Cycles of Newness

I think it was my junior year in high school. I was completely smitten/mildly fond of a certain blonde classmate of mine, I’ll call her Ann. Being a small school, we had quite a few classes in common and she was a riot on the band bus, mutual interests etc. etc. Valentine’s day was coming  up and one of her girlfriends wanted to get Ann a date, and apparently she picked me, though I don’t know if Ann was part of that committee. Her friend approached me and I got on board with the idea – I would dress my best, bring some chocolates and we would go watch Nicholas Sparks together at the Salmon movie theater. (Man, the last time I was in that theater a drunk guy hit on me the whole time… but that’s another story.) I arrived early at the movie theater with candy and flowers and a nervous swagger, seven o’clock for the seven thirty showing. Unfortunately my date never showed, so it didn’t turn out to be much of a night. I never received an answer as to why the date fell through, though I prefer to remember it as a misunderstanding and not anything malicious or embarrassing. And hey, I got a whole box of chocolates out of the deal.

It was a simple misunderstanding, and I am reminded of how many times I have embarrassed those dear to me with misunderstandings of my own. I am surrounded by beautiful people, immortals of unimaginable depth and potential who eat with me, walk with me, tell me stories and fashion life around me. (C.S. Lewis) Each one carries the image of the invisible God, we may bear that image with thankfulness or disdain, but we all bear it nonetheless. Misunderstandings mean that there is a false understanding of intention between two persons, one person does not see the other as they are. People (immortals) are not quickly understood, I might even suggest that fully understanding a person is to love them as they truly are, to love them as God loves them.

This reminds me of a quote from Father Anthony Bloom about love gone awry – “The devil’s folly was to turn to the other person (in this case God Himself) and wish to consume the object of his affection, that is to overpower and bind up the other and totally envelope them within himself.” It seems odd to use the word ‘devil’ and ‘affection’ together, but this is not freely given affection, it is overpowering selfishness. Fr. Bloom then juxtaposed it against the love of God, “The English word ‘freedom’ [and] the German word ‘Freiheit’ come from the Sanskrit ‘priya’ which means ‘to love and to be loved.’ So that is what freedom is. To be born with the right to be oneself. And to be born with this right because one is loved totally, absolutely, unreservedly at ANY cost to God. And the whole Gospel reveals to us what divine love is.” Divine love allows the person to be free, free to respond to love, free to become oneself, and free to forgive:

“Unlike the hate-filled, tyrannical devil, God deeply respects human freedom and never violates it, because He loves man. He desires a relationship of love with man, and love can only exist when people are free.” – Dionysios Farasiotis from The Gurus, The Young Man, and Elder Paisios.

“God persuades, He does not compel.” – Bishop Kallistos Ware

Divine love frees us to be as we are, misunderstandings not so much. They can be rather embarrassing, but every embarrassment is a chance for freedom, the freedom to forgive and move a little closer to God.

I am tempted to wax poetic now, but I would rather finish with a good prayer. Here is a prayer by St. Philaret of Moscow –

O Lord, grant me to greet the coming day in peace. Help me in all things to rely upon Your holy will. In every hour of the day reveal Your will to me. Bless my dealings with all who surround me. Teach me to treat all that comes to me throughout the day with peace of soul, and with the firm conviction that Your will governs all. In all my deeds and words guide my thoughts and feelings. In unforseen events let me not forget that all are sent by You. Teach me to act firmly and wisely, without embittering or embarrassing others. Give me strength to bear the fatigue of this coming day with all that it will bring. Direct my will, teach me to pray, pray You Yourself in me. Amen.